How Do You Improve Your Confidence?

Years ago I watched a program about a very special school for girls in one of the poorest areas of New York. The principle who was also one of the teachers said one of the biggest challenges facing the girls at this school was a lack of self esteem and self confidence.

She really wanted to do something about this debilitating issue so when she would catch the girls walking down the hall shoulders and the head down not making eye contact or not speaking up in class and she would gently tap them on the chin and remind them: "Head up, shoulders back, now look me in the eye, Your Beautiful."
She said that learning how special they were as people was one of the most important things she could teach them and would serve them more than almost any other lesson. I completely agree and what she said touched me so that I say those words to myself all the time.

Her message runs in sharp contrast to what many of us grew up hearing "Children are to be seen and not heard." Our parents often socialize us believe that our true value in the world is what we can do for others. "Be a doctor, lawyer, nurse so you can make good money" or "You are going to be a great mother someday". With these messages no wonder so many people tell me "I am a great lawyer, doctor but I have no confidence and very little self esteem". The SELF part is what's missing and that's the part we as a society most need to work on.

So how do we fix self esteem issues?

Unfortunately to fix this takes more than getting your hair done and losing some weight. It takes years of retraining yourself to make your needs important to you. Start with little things like buying yourself flowers just because and booking time on your schedule for "doing nothing". Then start moving into more difficult things like saying "no" to someone's request for your time and doing something with yourself instead and asking for a raise if you think you deserve one. You may not get a raise but asking tells yourself and the world that you know you deserve the best.

So next time you catch yourself looking down and not feeling like the equal of those around you think to yourself:

"Chin up, shoulders back, now look them in the eye, you are beautiful!"

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